How to Unf*ck Your Life One Marginal Step at a Time

Learning how to unf*ck your life does not start with a perfect plan — it starts with one honest question and one small step in any direction.

Have you ever asked yourself:

What the fuck is wrong with me? What the fuck is my problem? Is this all I am meant for?

Or

Why can’t I just get my life together?

You work so hard, you push and push and you just can’t seem to get out of your own way. You don’t see results, you have no focus or discipline.

You make plans.

You get motivated.

You convince yourself that this time will be different.

Then a few days later, the motivation disappears.

The plan falls apart.

You lose focus.

And you’re back at square one wondering what happened.

If this sounds familiar, you’re not broken.

You’re human.

And if you have ADHD, this cycle can feel even more frustrating.

For years, I thought I needed the perfect plan.

The perfect routine.

The perfect system.

I thought clarity would come first and action would follow.

I’ve learned the opposite is true.

Clarity comes from action.

You sometimes feel like you finally have the perfect plan but after an hour or maybe even days all that planning and motivation suddenly just disappears and you have no idea what the heck happened. You have to start all over again in search of that clarity and motivation. It is as if someone hit you in the head and again you have no idea what you’re supposed to do in life.

We’re not meant to have a perfect roadmap to life.

That is not the goal. The goal is to play the game of life.

Life Is a Series of Games

Whether it is to get in shape, save $10,000, start your own business, or to travel to Japan.

The goal is to choose a game worth playing.

Once you choose your game the most powerful thing you can do is make one decisive commitment to that goal and stop renegotiating it every day, because clarity without commitment just becomes another plan that falls apart by Thursday.

The goal is to choose a game worth playing.

Right now, what game do you want to play?

Maybe it’s:

• getting in shape
• saving $10,000
• starting a business
• improving your relationships
• traveling
• paying off debt

You don’t need to play every game at once.

You simply need to decide:

What game matters most right now?

Stop Comparing Your Game to Someone Else’s

Social media makes this difficult.

You look at people’s social media stories and they seem to be having awesome experiences. You wonder how they do it and you compare your life to theirs. You probably think that its because they have access to resources you don’t have or a better support system.

You see people traveling, buying homes, starting businesses, getting married, and achieving goals.

It’s easy to believe they have access to something you don’t.

More money.

More support.

More opportunities.

Sometimes that’s true.

But often, comparison simply keeps us stuck.

Because while you’re busy watching someone else’s life, you’re neglecting your own.

Mark Manson put it perfectly in The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck — the more you chase what someone else has the further you drift from building what is actually yours.

True or not, your mind doesn’t allow you to see past your scarcity mindset.

It’s not about what you want or don’t want, have or don’t have, it’s about what game do you want to play next.

When I Feel Lost, I Declutter

My answer to clarity and overcoming these types of negative perspectives is usually to declutter my whole environment. Except for close loved ones, but do set boundaries and in rare cases cut them off completely even for a while might be best.

Not because I’m trying to limit my life.

But clarity requires space.

When everything is competing for your attention, it’s difficult to hear what you truly want.

I will usually clean my home, and get rid of as many things that are taking much of my time and energy and that bring no or little happiness or fulfillment.

This is also where breaking free from bad habits becomes essential, because sometimes the clutter is not physical. Sometimes it is the habits, routines, and dependencies that are quietly consuming the energy you need to move forward.

I cancel any memberships that are taking my time and money. I cancel any plans and events. Again, it’s not about limiting myself. It’s about letting my mind find what my real and true desires in life are.

This usually gives me better clarity of what my goals and aspirations are and what I’m putting off for the future.

You don’t have to do as I do. When I am clear on what it is that I want to do I don’t have to declutter my whole environment. What you should do if you’re clear on what your goals are is to move one marginal adjustment at a time.

Focus on One Goal at a Time

Make a list. I know you have many goals and aspirations. Choose only ONE thing.

The rest you will find a way to deal with. But make one thing your soul’s focus and purpose. Make it a game. Set a date and time and see how close you get. If you don’t make it then just restart again.

Once you choose one goal, let everything around you be. You will figure out a way around your obstacles or through them by decluttering, delegating, compromising, eliminating them, and by only focusing on one goal.

Don’t complicate your goal or eventually, it’ll seem too hard to want to take action. Perfectionism will kick in (another form of procrastination). Shiny object syndrome will kick in. And suddenly you won’t know what happened with all that clarity and motivation you had.

If your goal is to get in shape, don’t commit to going to the gym for 2 hours every day. Instead, commit to working out for 10min no matter what every day for 30 days. After 30 days, you can increase the time and difficulty. It’s about making it a habit and gaining momentum.

The results from this strategy are bigger for your morale, mentality, and physical, compared to going to the gym twice for 2 hours and never going back again.

Don’t rush your goal. Take on one goal at a time. You will achieve life fulfillment faster and have more experiences this way.

Fulfillment Is Found in the Process

Your greatness is in every small step you take towards something that makes you happy or fulfilled. The more progress you make (don’t focus on the progress but on each marginal step. You will see the progress.), the more games you choose to play, the more fulfilled with life you will be. You will no longer focus on others but instead on what you’re creating for yourself.